Grief Is Yours , My Friends
by tincturedwords
Summary: Leonard McCoy's days are suddenly numbered and Jim Kirk is slowly running out of optimism as time ticks by. While Spock can't seem to figure out why there's such sudden tension between his Captain and the Doctor. But all is soon to change , for Enterprise is seemingly destined to lose its Heart. How is a whole to function when a part of it is missing?


**Chapter 1-** By Regulations I'm Obligated

 **Warnings:** ¡Spoilers! Graphic descriptions of terminal illness, strong language, graphic descriptions of grief, descriptions of a panic attack, conversations involving death, descriptions of medical procedures, blood, etc.  
 **Spoilers:** Star Trek ( 2009 ) - Star Trek Into Darkness & For the Earth Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky ( Star Trek TOS s03e08 ) & Journey to Babel ( Star Trek TOS s02e10 )  
 **Timeline:** Post Star Trek Into Darkness, Pre - Star Trek Beyond  
 **Pairings:** None.  
 **Overall Summary:** McCoy's days are suddenly numbered and Kirk is slowly running out of optimism as time ticks by. While Spock can't seem to figure out why there's such sudden tension between his Captain and the Doctor. But all is soon to change , for _Enterprise_ is seemingly destined to lose its heart. How is a whole to function when a part of it is missing? Especially when the mind , soul , and body of the ship rely so heavily upon its heart.  
 **Chapter Summary:** Ignorance is bliss, yes, and once information of such devastating results is known , it can't be lost. That's called denial, darlin', and some are better at it than others.  
 **A/N:** So basically focusing on one of my more favoured TOS episodes but in the AOS timeline with some twists. While I love the TOS episode , _For the Earth Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky_ , I really wish we got to see more of the strain McCoy's illness had on him & how the intensive search for the cure was on the triumvirate / rest of the crew.  
Another one of my favourite episodes is _Journey to Babel_ thus I have added that into here as well because I wanted an excuse to include Spock Prime & Sarek with all that I have planned. But I won't give anything else away.  
Just in seeing as how much younger the AOS crew is , along with subtle personality shifts & circumstances that have brought them all closer together, these event would hold great significance to the AOS cast just as much as the original. So I thought why not bring the hurt to the revamp Star Trek ?

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 **Disclaimer:** I do not own any rights to Star Trek nor am I affiliated with the actors of the AOS films or TOS series, same with the productions companies having produced / are currently producing the franchise. This is merely written for entertainment purposes. I make no money off of it.

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"Everyone will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact." **\- Lemony Snicket ; The Austere Academy**

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Elbows leant against the desktop, head bent low and shoulders slumped to the point of the underlying skeletal structure was clearly outlining the edges of each scapula. The Enterprise's CMO was practically wilting over his desk. The door to his office having been locked after a stern word with Nurse Chapel and Senior Medical Officer M'Benga. He just needed a moment.

One in private. One to collect himself, to digest the news that the scans he'd taken had revealed, and to prepare exactly how he was going to break such news to the Captain. Who happened to double as his best friend. Not how he'd expected the crews' quarterly physicals to go, usually all routine and filled with a lot of patient complaints over the physicals uselessness because 'they're perfectly healthy; fine and fit'. Primarily from a certain ship's Captain. Well, maybe this will serve some purpose to change that outlook. Make the kid grow up a bit.

Air bellowing past his parted lips, the sigh expressing a varying array of emotions that simply couldn't be allowed to reach his features. Delivering devastating news required composure, even when the doctor giving it didn't feel it, that where one sucked it up and pliers through. No different than any other time he'd broken bad news to patients families.

Except this was different. Very different. This was Jim. And this news would crush his friend.

Palms falling downward away from his face to slam against the desk surface, McCoy grit his teeth, near growling in heated ire at the injustice of it all. Allowing his muscles to remain taunt, hands stinging from the force he exerted. Enough for the trundles of a twinging ache to ratchet up to his elbows, little irritating fires of pain shooting up and down his forearms. Distracting enough for him to centre himself once more. He was a doctor, dammit. He could do this if he approached it with the same tact every sensible doctor used.

Sighing heavily through his nose, lips pressed within a thin line, McCoy relaxed back into his chair. Hands falling into his lap, gaze lifting from where he watched them land, up to the comm device to the left of his computer terminal. Gathering his breath, and silently his nerve, McCoy reached forward to depress the button before speaking into the small mic.

"McCoy to Bridge."

Seconds ticked by, seeming to McCoy that Kirk was taking his sweet time in responding back. Tongue darting out to pass over his lips quickly. An uncharacteristic nervousness spreading throughout his frame to unsteady his hands and construct his breath. Thus when the Captain did comm back, McCoy flinch involuntary at the sudden noise.

"Kirk here."

The easygoing tone had McCoy wincing. God he hated to spoil Jim's mood. Especially in knowing it wouldn't be lifted to such high spirits for a long while after this conversation. This wasn't like last week when he had to threaten Kirk with pulling rank bestowed upon all Chief Medical Officers to get the Captain down for his physical. A few 'pouting' days afterwards, the younger of the pair would come around and all would be well between them. However, this wouldn't be so easily rectified with a cooling off period and shared drinks off duty.

Leaning forward to place his elbows on the desk, palms open and positioned facing upwards to catch his head within them. Cradling it as he replied, tone never wavering nor cluing in on the despair that tugged at his very soul.

"I've completed the crew's quarterly physicals, and need you down here to sign off on mine."

Doctor McCoy still held the reigns, for he still had to complete the duty of informing the Captain and seeing the reports signed. Not to mention his transfer orders, if Captain Kirk decided it was best to have a fully capable CMO aboard instead of a failing one. None would fault such a decision, not even McCoy, although he hoped to stay for awhile yet.

Muffling a snort of irony that he actually wanted to stay in this floating tin can that transverse the vacuum of space. Instead of being returned to Earth, with solid ground and no impending doom from hostile forces or unknown contaminants. The kid must of worn off on him, damn the restless fool. Too damn bad it hadn't been the other way round, could use some sense knocked into that blond head of his.

Kirk sighed, he had just finished signing off on several PADDs; requisition forms from all departments , a minor incident report , and duty rosters for all three shifts. He didn't want to see another sign off form for as long as he could hold off, besides medical sciences had never been his forte. Standard first aid, as required by even the lowest ranking of ensigns to graduate the academy , aside none of those sciences had ever interested him. Thus he always had McCoy explain it to him anyway when he signed off on it, second to Head Nurse Chapel's eloquent signature.

All his CMO needed was another ranking officer's signature to officiate it. He wasn't required, although with he and McCoy being healthcare proxies for one another, he was liable to co-sign along with the head nurse or senior medical officer.

"All right, I'll be down right after alpha ends."

There was a brief pause over the comm stream, which had Kirk wishing he'd merely agreed to come down. The last thing he wanted was to get Bones riled so soon after the stress of quarterly physicals. A crew of four hundred and thirty to schedule then check over always left the medical department agitated. More so from the large amounts of administrative work and monotony of exams. Only those in optimum health were chosen for starship positions meaning there was very little to uncover during medical exams, except perhaps a change in diet or a check up on healed injuries to establish no lasting effects were had.

Mentally scolding himself, Jim had an apology on the tip of his tongue along with a promise to be down right away but was cut off by McCoy's response back.

"It has ta be now, Jim."

Kirk frowned at the odd note to McCoy's voice; the strengthening of his Georgian bur along the vowels when it normally maintained a smooth hinting to his southern heritage was the notable tell. Stress or fatigue , and drink but it has been a long while since he's seen McCoy drunk , always caused the thickening of his accent. And while quarterly physicals were hectic, _Enterprise's_ CMO was an old hand at it, that shouldn't have caused such a prominent change to his gruff, tough - as - nails chief medical officer.

Feeling a twinge within his gut that usually precluded something being incredulously wrong, Kirk paused a fraction of a moment before clipping back , "On my way."

Depressing the comm button to discontinue communication with sickbay , Kirk rose immediately from the captain's chair to nod towards his first officer , who was already turned in his direction patiently awaiting orders , "Mr. Spock, you have the conn."

"Aye, Captain." Was Spock's coolly returned reply, his dark gaze lingering to follow his Captain's retreat towards the turbo lift before he stood to take the mantle at the Captain's chair.

...

Apprehension settled deep within Kirk's gut after hearing Bones' words on the bridge, it only increasing with each step he took towards medical bay. The sense of foreboding that washed over him directly before the doors swished open to admit him into the antiseptic smelling department only intensified at seeing the shiny eyed appearance of Medical's chief nurse.

Kirk had never seen a more steely yet compassionate woman who wasn't intimidated in the slightest by Doctor McCoy's tirades nor put up with Bone's stubbornness. Thus at seeing her restocking bandages absently, blinking more so often to clear the noticeable moisture that threatened to flood then spill past her precarious control had stopped Kirk in his tracks.

This brought Chapel's attention towards their doors, finally seeing the Captain for the first time since he entered. Though it was only a few moments lapse, she straightened immediately. An expression artfully practiced stoicism conflicting with the grief that shined within her blue gaze.

"Captain." She greeted, her voice giving nothing away that anything was amiss, "Doctor McCoy is in his office. He wants to see you in there."

Offering a simple nod in acknowledgement, Kirk wastes no more time in reaching the Chief Medical Officer's office situated in the back of the Medical Bay. Knowing it well after many different times he's visited, whether medical in purpose or not. Most times to drag his long time friend away from his work or simply bug one of his favourite people to hang out with. Or raid the snacks McCoy sometimes left in his desk. Lots of reasons to visit Bones' officer really.

If only now it wasn't with a strong sense of foreboding snatching at his steps and causing a knot of worry to bind within his gut , seeming to tighten at his chest and ningle at his brain. Still the Captain stride back towards where the CMO office laid , shoving the inclining of anxiety away to put forth his usual demeanour and expression. It serving more of a mask at the moment , necessary for when he wasn't sure of his footing or when bracing for something unpleasant. Mildly placed in light of it being with McCoy.

"So why couldn't this wait?" Kirk asked, smiling despite his unease , as he was let into the office, "Starfleet medical cracking down on report dates? If this is about my dodging of physicals , I ca— "

"Jim." McCoy interrupted , whilst worrying the PADD that rested in his hands , "I found something in a crew member's physical. It's not good."

Kirk's expression turned serious , ignoring the interruption at processing the severe tone his Chief Medical Officer held , his brow pinching as a frown pulled at the corner of his lips , "How serious? Do we need to divert to the nearest space station?"

"No need for that." McCoy shook his head , glancing down at the PADD before his gaze lifted back up to Kirk's , "It's a terminal condition. No cure. Xenoploycythemia."

Brain attempting to dredge up his XENBIO101 course for any mention of the condition , Kirk was drawing a blank. Able to recall basic first aid and base vitals for six different species , but unable to place anything to the condition McCoy just named. Minus that of Xeno- meaning cross the board for multitude of species and -emilia meaning to do with the blood. Unconsciously dredging up names belonging to each of the non-terran species aboard ship , Kirk had to wonder if it was any of them and how long it'd take to divert to their homes from the ship's current positioning.

Blinking a moment , then focusing back on his long time friend and CMO at noticing that the other shift on his feet and continue to fidget with the PADD in his hand. Almost as if nervous. Coming to the conclusion that now probably wasn't the best time to ask for details , just finding out who had it then some research could come later.

"Who?" Kirk asked, a swooping sensation of dread washing over his frame at the look in McCoy's eyes.

McCoy licked at his lips , "The ship's Chief Medical Officer."

A stilted pause. Breath seeming to leave the room in one rapid whoosh whilst a icy chill seeped deep into his core. Had Kirk not been familiar with the sensation of fear. Not as such for not similar to the fear for one oneself or even similar to that innate terror that accompanies adrenaline when fighting against a greater physical foe. This frigidly burning fear came only with the imminent loss of someone very dear with no possibly outcome ending in them staying. he'd felt it when his mother had left , when Captain Pike had died , when Admiral Marcus had made to destroy his ship , and now when confronted with the doctor's words.

"You." Kirk breathed the single word in a rush , features scrunching further at the news.

Mccoy nodded , lips pressed tight. He was still reeling from hearing. the diagnosis himself , straining to keep it together until he could inform the Captain. Better hearing it from him than seeing it on a report, or on the transfer that McCoy had yet to begin writing up.

"Fucking hell, Bones." Kirk ran a hand down his face , blinking back premature moisture threatening to fill his eyes, "There's nothing you can do?"

"There's no cure, Jim. Six months to a year is the usual prognosis." McCoy recited , tone a slight more gruff , although he kept a professional air about his person as he passed the PADD containing his results over to Jim.

"No." Kirk shook his head , speaking now with more conviction to combat the sense of helplessness that was working its way into his heart right along with grief , "No, there's something we can do. Some type of treatments, even if there's no cure. Something."

The PADD was discarding the desk at his side quickly , not wanting to read the prognosis any further. Not yet wanting to read what would happen to his best friend in the coming months. How he'd lose his Chief Medical officer , then his friend all together in less time than it'd take for them to return to Earth. And far before he was ready to ever say goodbye.

"Siphoning blood out periodically would help alleviate some of the symptoms. And painkillers to make the patient more comfortable is about all there is." McCoy continued to explain with a clinical approach, "Medicines to halt or impede red blood cells being produced is another option, but it's got some severe side effects and ends up destroying bone marrow all together. Best bet is to make the patient comfortable."

"But this isn't some patient, Bones." Kirk exclaimed , hands clenching at his side then whipping up to point at McCoy as he leapt to his feet, "This is you! What about Khan's blood? We can find where they stashed him and get-"

"Jim, there's nothing!" McCoy stood as well , tone hardening in face of his long time friend's denial , "Even with Khan's super blood, the regenerative capabilities it holds wouldn't cure this. I'm generating _too_ much red blood cells, that super blood wouldn't detect that as a defect from what I gathered on Khan's physiology."

Noticing the increasing tremors running along Kirk's frame , minute jumping of over taunt muscles & emotional upheaval , McCoy's features soften. Knowing that new like this was hard on all parties ; the patient , family and friends. Suffering and grief not exclusive to the one falling , all were affected when pillars crumbled.

"You're grasping , kid. There's nothing to be done." McCoy finished after a moment's pause to evaluate the other , tone more sedated than earlier in light of his friend's distress.

"No, no." Kirk shook his head , "You never, not once, not when I was being got a negligent asshole at the academy, not when I was an idiot to cheat on the fucking test and was going to be left behind, not even as I was several hours dead laying in sickbay. So fuck no, I'm not giving up on you when you're still standing in front of me, alive and breathing!"

"Jim."

"No! Don't ' _Jim'_ me!" Kirk snapped , cerulean hues blazed underneath a viciously furrowed brow , "I will not let this go. I'm not giving up. And I'm not letting you either! We'll fight this!"

"If there was somethin', anythin' to fight, I'd agree with you." McCoy drawled , emotion dredging up the thickness in his accent , "But you can't always get whatcha want, darlin'."

God damn the kid for making him emotional.

"No, Doctor!" Kirk spoke with a finality that had McCoy straightening , realising that they'd crossed from friends over to Captain and Chief Medical Officer, but a whistle from the comm panel at McCoy's desk sounded. Succeeding in silencing them both.

"Lieutenant Uhura to Captain Kirk." The lieutenant's poised tone coming a moment later.

Sending another look towards McCoy, one signalling that they weren't finished talking about this, before he moved towards the comm. Depressing the button as he leaned over the desk.

"Kirk here." Tone clipped and sharp , bespeaking of the underlying of emotion he strive to cover.

"Message from Starfleet Command, Captain." Uhura relied, unphased, "Admiral Archer on a priority channel, sir."

"All right , patch it through to my ready room. I'll be there in three minutes. Kirk out." Kirk replied , clicking the screen again then standing upright once more to look towards the doctor.

"We'll continue this after Alpha shift. My quarters." Kirk's tone brokered no argument , cerulean gaze meeting McCoy hazel hues with frightening intensity.

McCoy nodded in consent at his Captain's implied order , lips pursing in restraint of arguing it further right now , seeming to be biting the insides of his cheeks in constraining his irritation. Drawing upon the training his psychology doctorate had given him to stay calm , knowing Jim was angry at the situation , borderline denial of the facts laid before him , and he just needed time to come to terms with the news. Although still prickly , as ire was easier to conjure than the desire to simple curl up and wallow with the good bourbon he had stashed in his quarters , McCoy was able to gather his control. Features loosening , agitation draining from his frame.

"Aye , Sir." Was his colourless response to which the Captain nodded sharply , spun on his heels and left. Automatic doors sliding shut with a soft swisp behind him.

 _ **TBC.**_

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 **A/N:** There's the first chapter ! This was originally going to include half of what's in chapter two , but was getting outrageously long with what I had planned & so this was the beat cut off point without it seeming disjointed. So chapter two may be a bit longer than planned.

Also this my first time writing for all these characters, thus feedback is appreciated. But don't feel obligated to review, it's only if you want to do so.

 **Note :** I hate that they left chapel out in the AOS films, dismissing her brilliant character after some relationship with Kirk. It's a disservice to both of them, thus I am ignoring that the fact that they dismissed her character so easily & the fact she had some sort of relationship with Kirk.

 **Note #2 :** To ensure that the physicals are completed & nothing is missed nor that the highest rank isn't misusing their position, Medical Officers sign off for each other by one who outranks them which is signed by the head nurse & the attending physician ; reviewed & signed by the CMO. Thus with Mccoy's it would have to be signed by the latter two , then a healthcare proxy aboard ship of equal or higher rank

 **Note #3 :** Also I know that _Journey to Babel_ took place before _For the Earth Is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky_ events , but given they both take place in the year 2268 , I have having them happen closer together. As I figured with the destruction of Vulcan & the construction of New Vulcan that any conferences involving the Vulcans as Federation members would be highly priorities around helping build New Vulcan & assisting where they could , thus the Babel conference would be postponed awhile.  
Also since the Kelvin Timeline is set forward in each of the crews' careers , _Star Trek Into Darkness_ tallinn place in the year 2259 while _Star Trek Beyond_ is set within 2263 ( with three years in their first five year mission as it began in 2260 ) & with the original TOS five year mission beginning in 2266 with those specified episodes taking place in 2268 , I am having this take place around two years into the AOS timelines first five year mission at 2262.


End file.
